Go Go Beer Gadget: Top 10 Beer Toys of 2010

Now I know that Brewdies appreciate the methodical, specific drinking of craft brews, but I also know that some beer gadgets created for mass beer consumption are hilarious. So embrace your inner gadget geek and appreciate how awesome it is to live in a country where these items exist.

            10. Russian Roulette Beer Bong 

This is like spin the bottle, except instead of getting an awkward make-out with a stranger, you get a face-full of centrifugally flung beer. The rules are simple: fill one of the removable plastic bottles with beer, spin, choose a bottle and either a) grimace and chug or b) taunt your friend who is grimacing and chugging.

             9. Bible Flask   

Tired of being sober during an ENTIRE church sermon? Church wedding ceremonies always killing your buzz? Look no further, faithfully wasted friends, because some gadgety boozer has answered all your prayers. Discretely stash your liquor in this heavenly cover and say yah-way to Sipping Sundays.  Available at Amazon.com 14.97

8. Beer Blaster

Q: What’s the only thing better than drinking a ton of beer and squirting your friends in the face with a water gun?

A: Drinking a ton of beer and squirting your friends in the face with a beer gun. Load only with Coors Light or other water-dense brews, however, because a good friend will forgive you for beer blasting him, but there’s no forgiveness for wasting great beer.

7. Portable Kegerator 

We’ve all been at a tailgate, BBQ or niece’s birthday party that could have improved exponentially had someone’s three year old toted in a Kegerator. This beers on wheels device is light weight (as evidenced by the tiny child’s illegal transportation of it), and can keeping you kegging for 3 whole gallons. So next time you’re off to Chucky E. Cheese for your kid’s 5th birthday party, have him pull his own weight by pulling your beer Kegerator. NOTE: Small child porter not included with purchase. Available at www.thebrewingnetwork.com

6. Liquor Lock

This dual-purpose precaution can be used to force roommates (or your teenagers) to buy their own booze or to help the woefully undisciplined from getting too liquored up. More tangible than Google’s math-question safeguard and less court-ordered than an ignition breathalyzer, this fine device can help you prevent bad decisions for just $15.95 at www.sportys.com (unless your bad decision is bottle smashing).

5. Beer Wench Robot

  Golden Retrievers move over, there’s a new best friend when it comes to beer fetching: PR2 robot. PR2 isn’t just a  retrieval machine either. He has algorithms enough to use his face recognition software to take your order, choose your  brand from the fridge, and refuse to let go until he sees you again! No friends will be swiping your beer from this bot; he’s got the loyalty of the pup… without the slobber.

4. Beer Locator

Getting drunk goes hand in hand with loss. You can somehow lose your keys, your wallet and your significant other all between the hours of 12 and 4 am, but now, thanks to the genius developers at Kotulas.com, you’ll never lose your beer. This beer coozie comes with a tracking device and pager with a 60 foot, wall-proof range! So get as drunk and forgetful as you please, but know that this device can’t help you find your self-respect in the morning. Or your pants.

            3. Beer Garden

Green thumbs up for Thinkgeek’s all organic “Grow Your Own Beer Garden”! This easy-to-grow kit is for the purist of home brewers who truly subscribe to the do-it-yourself model. You can bring your own hops, barley and wheat to life, watch them grow, and then toss them in your wort. If you were satisfied with how well your Chia pets used to grow, imagine the possibilities here! 

2. Octopus

I’m a little bias on this one since I date its engineer, but it’s a miraculous beer gadget none-the-less. Gather seven of your   closest friends for the most intimate act eight people can do together: chug five gallons of beer from a chandelier-ed beer  bong. The octopus is a true team effort, for if one eighth fails then the whole team’s shoes suffer (which, realistically, they might anyway after chugging .625 gallons of beer). 

           1. Beer Belly/Wine Rack 

 For the classiest of ladies and gentlemen who are so devoted to always keeping beer on their person that they are willing to sacrifice physical appearance and dignity. This camel-pack like refillable bladder straps right on to the belly under the clothes so that passers-by will be clueless to that face that you’re concealing two gallons of beer. They’ll just think you’re fat. For the self-conscious ladies concerned with waistlines, there’s the attention grabbing bra-version dubbed The Wine Rack, because if you’re going to be stuffing your bra, you might as well be stuffing it with booze. Available at www.thebeerbelly.com for a very reasonable $34.99.

Sad your gadget didn't make the list? Post your faves in the comment section (or you could send me free samples...)